Self Care

Vulnerability. This word.

What comes to your mind? What does this word really mean to you?

Do you sit with the word and let it runs through your veins? Or do you cringe, brush it off and dodge it as if it does not matter?

Perhaps, you would have already deciphered what vulnerability personally means to you or perhaps seek to understand it further. I am here to help you unravel, harness and hopefully remind you not to fear and build your walls around it.

I would like to begin by emphasising,

vulnerability is strength and expansion, not weakness and isolation.

Vulnerability

Vulnerability, in essence, is the ability to open yourself to the chance and knowing of being emotionally injured, and taking that step anyway. It is a complete surrender towards an outcome you can’t control and taking the step anyway. In our societal, cultural conditioning and even upbringing, we are guided to believe that success and happiness run linear side by side. We are conditioned to perceive vulnerability as a shortcoming, a failure, isolation, betrayal and pain. That perfectionism has no room for vulnerability. These mindsets play a tremendous role in shaping our perception of vulnerability and our ability to counter it. We learn to take sides on the opposite of vulnerability; our ego. Vulnerability is a topic not widely confronted especially with oneself, rather it is something we hide in the depth of our soul.

Vulnerability and Shame

Have you noticed how children are our best teachers? How much they are teaching us? When we are brought into this world from our mother’s womb, we hold the most precious innate innocence, curiosity, awe and vulnerability. When a child falls and gets a bad cut, he/she cries out for the pain. When a child is happy, you see it reflected in their smiles, grins and sometimes, they express it in a dance, kisses on your cheeks or a tight long hug.

I love you. I need you. I am sorry.

There was no holding back in being vulnerable. They also know how to show up for themselves and their truths- which unfortunately is a skill we are conditioned to abandon as we grow older. As we grow older, we learn to cover up our fractured pieces. We do it with this word, Shame.

They are going to laugh at you. You are not good enough. You are not worthy. You should do this instead. It will fall on deaf ear.

It happened in the past, it will happen again. Why bother? I will never find love again. There is no need to overshare. I am undeserving of love.

You should just do what everyone is doing. Do not be too ambitious. You will never get there. Just keep quiet.

The above are just some verbal examples that each and every one of us can resonate on a personal level. They are conversations said to us or said by us as well as other deeper and darker shame we have consolidated in our life. We have all experienced shame and most of it is triggered by how we perceive people’s judgement of us. We correlate our self worth with their perception. Behind these conversations within our head, shame strips us of our belief that we are incapable of worth, love and belonging. The fear of shame inhibits space for vulnerability. It is important to understand its correlation with vulnerability and knowing that shame only undermines your human potential.

The truth is, all that shame ever does for us, is erect walls based on our past and preconceived self-limiting beliefs in a strive for perfectionism. Honour the space between what had and has not happened yet. Understand perfectionism does not exist. Our individuality is the safe shelter we create for our vulnerability. The numbing of vulnerability only amplifies our ego.

Confront your reasons for shame and you be a step closer in embracing vulnerability.

Vulnerability and Connection

One of the most beautiful things about life is the human connection. It is in the human connection we find our feeling of self-worth, belonging, collective strength and understanding. In social context, many fear to be vulnerable as it is an invitation for negative emotions like sadness, fear and grief. It is also important to realise that vulnerability is also where love, empathy, joy, compassion and kindness stem from. It is in vulnerability, we learn to convert our negative emotions to positive ones. It is in vulnerability we learn to harness our pain and grief and convert them into love, joy, empathy and liberation. Every one you crossed path with has a story and an inner pain they are not sharing with you, but it is in developing the human connection with one another we learn to help one cope and heal. Vulnerability promotes authentic connections in all relationships.

Vulnerability also can promote intimacy between relationships. As one of my favourite author Dr Brené Brown emphasised in her book Daring Greatly, “ Falling in love, is the ultimate risk that tests our vulnerability.” In an intimate relationship, we bare ourselves to our partner by sharing our fears, insecurities and goals. We embrace vulnerability by letting them in, and for ourselves to be listened, loved, understood and nurtured. True vulnerability always yields the greatest growth, and when we find that right person to share that human connection with, we don’t let go easily. Being vulnerable to someone you love is not a weakness, it is your highest offering in love.

Vulnerability and Courage

At the beginning of this article, I emphasised that vulnerability is strength and expansion, not weakness and isolation.

To put yourself out there and bare your weakness and flaws takes immense courage. It is uncomfortable. It is everything and easier said than done. And it takes patience to get there.

When I started out writing in private, I was writing poems and proses on love and heartbreaks. I set out for it as an outlet of authentic expression and the fear of shame averts myself for letting everyone know (except a handful close ones). Bring on a decade, when I write here at Arawme, I am baring a facet of myself each time- peeling another layer for vulnerability, authenticity and connection. I am putting myself out there. But I am also showing up for myself too. Recently, a friend asked me how I am so confident in what I do. She meant it in my professional career as a diving instructor and as a writer. I explained that it was simply because I show up for myself and my truth in every aspect of my life.

Vulnerability is the darkness you learn to conquer in your earthquakes, so your mountains will rise. Transformation and connection happen when you learn not to only hold onto your inner light but embrace your darkness too. There is something so alluring when you bare yourself and show up for yourself in both your best and your worst. On the other side of fear, awaits expansion and growth. Vulnerability is the trail that gets you there. Recognise your ego and be the curator of it. Recognise your inner courage and resilience and act from your heart.

Mastering the art of vulnerability does not take a day, or a week, or a month. It is a lifelong skill. It is unlearning what adulting has taught us and renewing what we have forgotten. Mastering the art of vulnerability means constantly making a mindful decision to show up for your truth and your authentic self. It is making the conscious choice for your expansion within and honouring all the outcomes with gratitude and appreciation.

Be soft, our world needs more of it. Be unashamed. Most of all, be the best version of the beautiful mess you are.

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I am Sylvia— the founder, writer, intuitive healer, and human design reader of Arawme. “Arawme” is basically, a raw me put together.

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